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Dispatches: From bad to worse - Wednesday, 21st April 2004


Day's Statistics

Expedition & Environmental Statistics:
Position:86.38.6N 93.56.6E (view route map)
Daily distance:4.6 nm
Total distance:290.2 nm
Distance to go:617.2 nm
Travelling time:9.5hrs
Temperature:-18°C
Conditions:moderate westerly increasing; leads everywhere; clear to whiteout
view large image
view large image

I think the Arctic wanted to show me who's really the boss today. It was certainly the worst day of the expedition and quite possibly the toughest of my entire life.

The large lead I camped near last night hadn't frozen (a bad sign) and worse still, I realised I was on a 'peninsula' of ice - the lead curved away to the south west and south east. I chose south east and skied nervously along the edge of the thin ice, looking for a point to cross. Eventually I found an area I thought I might be able to crawl over in the drysuit. Big mistake - the ice was 2-3 inches thick, but it was like rubber. I fell in straight away and had to smash my way through the ice with my arms. It was exhausting work and after 15 minutes I was barely a tenth of the way across. I retreated and skied further before finding a narrower point which looked good. I scrambled back into the suit, pulled the cord tight around my face and tugged at the zip. It fell apart in my hand.

The shock hit me like a slap in the face. The suit would still be watertight, but without the zip I wasn't sure if it would float properly (or at all). With tears of frustration freezing on my cheeks, I climbed out of the suit and skied on. In all, it took nearly four hours to cross that lead, and when I did, I ended up in the middle of the worst rubble ice I've seen for weeks.

There were two more big leads today and loads of smaller ones, all fresh. The weather deteriorated to a complete whiteout, leaving me stumbling along, bumping into ridges and falling over constantly. I skied for nearly ten hours and didn't even make five nautical miles north. Crazy.

Today's dedication is to everyone that was in 8 Platoon, Inkerman Coy, RMA Sandhurst at the same time as me. I wonder where you all are now...

Visitor Comments


# Keep trying

It's funny to think that all the times I've said I've had a bad day its for stupid stuff. Now that I look at i look at this i feel reely stupid. You just have to get up and keep going because if one thing stops you from finishing your goal you'll feel real bad. Good luck Bye.

By Kyle B. on Thursday, 22 April - 08:06 pm -0700


# Hey Ben!!!

Hey Ben,
I live in a small town in Texas called Willis (it's just outside Houston)...but i swear i don't ride horses and i don't say YEE-HOW! all the time ,actually I've never said that. My favorite message you wrote was the one about not wanting to come home so you that you didn't have to worry about wat your wearing and stuff like that.I think it is really great that you are doning this expedition thingy, I couldn't even imagine being that cold! The coldest it ever gets here is like 32 degrees F. Right now is't like 74 - 75 so. But i guess i better go so i don't get in trouble for not doing my assinment!
xoxo,
~nikki~

By Nikki M. on Thursday, 22 April - 07:49 pm -0700


# The Tough Get Going

Hi Ben,

I have just returned from UK, where I did not have access to your dispatches, however I have now read all your days that I have missed.

Great, Well Done, Amazing, you are such an insperation to millions, of that I am sure.

Sorry to here you have had a very bad day, one thought, I am sure you will of heard this record whilst in 8 platoon, it starts, when the going gets tough? Well you have done the rest, keep in there, keep positive, I am sure you will now have many better days before the one you have just had (I hope).

Take care, keep well & warm, we are all rooting for you, wish I could help directly, whatever keep smiling.

By Peter Goddard on Thursday, 22 April - 02:31 pm -0700


# Who's boss

Well, so the Arctic is your boss - still sounds easier than mine (and warmer)! Just kidding!

Much admiration going out to you, and wishes for an easier day than you've just had.


Debs

By Debs on Thursday, 22 April - 11:04 am -0700


# again

Keep going ben!
..And donīt forget to check other websites if you have time!!! for anyone who would love to see a failure from you many more are with you!
anyway.... Life would be too perfect just with the perfect people around...

By tete on Thursday, 22 April - 09:17 am -0700


# Onwards

Ben,
Sorry to hear that you had a difficult day but then I suppose there would be no point if it was easy! I expect that open water is going to become an icreasingly common feature over the next couple of months - I recently read about Robert Peary (first man to the North Pole without a doubt!) and the difficulties he had with open water in early May - don't envy you out there in June though it has been done (by a couple of madmen). When do you expect to reach Canada?
It is a shame that Wave is going to be pulled out - you will be on your own out there from this weekend. I have to say I was very impressed with his honest and philosophical acceptance of defeat (see thepoles.com), he is clearly a man driven to explore his own limits for his own reasons and not just to generate publicity - great effort Wave!
Must be tempting to fly home with Wave but you have got work to do so get out there and get skiing.

By Jon on Thursday, 22 April - 08:52 am -0700


# If

.................
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them "Hold on"
..............

Ben you are the personification of Kipling's poem, and humble us mere mortals.
Stay safe
Bill

By bill on Thursday, 22 April - 07:54 am -0700


# ice ahoy

It is easy to say from a warm room, but for me, any fraction of a mile that you have accomplished today is a success. I don't count in miles, I count in daily accomplishments. I haven't even checked the map since it is the travel that is important, not the arrival. Btw... your girlfriend seems to have been abducted by the evil hordes of PH ;)

By Iria on Thursday, 22 April - 04:26 am -0700


# thinkin of ya

Sorry your day went poorly man. You're in my prayers and we all are with you so to speak. Hang in there for tomorrow is a new day. Again, you are are great inspiration for me to not complain about my days.

By victor young on Thursday, 22 April - 02:49 am -0700


# No Message Title

Hi, Ben
Tonight, frustrating to feel something to say, sending my best.
-Scot

By Scot Morrison on Thursday, 22 April - 02:26 am -0700


# Chin up chuck

a bad day....

Cheer up you were the topic of conversation.when some Northern Pher"s decided to be hospitable and take a certain Lemmonie (Southern Pher) Out for the eve,as she was visiting Manchester.

It is unanimous that we are all very proud of you,and your achievements so far..

Keep going Ben..To a Heroes welcome.

By jessie(Alfie aged 9) on Wednesday, 21 April - 11:42 pm -0700


# Gee, that sucks!

Ben, glad you are still plodding along. Wish to heck I could carry you for awhile; hopefully these words of encouragement can do that too. I wasn't in your 8 platoon, but I was in a 4 platoon. I wonder sometimes what happened to those guys as well. Closer than most brothers, we were. I learned a few things about honour and courage from them. Maybe your lessons were similar, and you can draw on that as a source of strength. I know I do when I think of my old mates. Smile, Ben, we're all rooting for you!

By George Fudge on Wednesday, 21 April - 11:05 pm -0700


# Your efforts are worthy!!!

"When you suffer a great deal in life, each additional pain is both unbearable and trifling" from the Life of Pi.

Your difficulties seem totally unbearable by us mere mortals but clearly you have been called to a higher calling and with it comes a higher frustration and pain than we could endure. Your efforts are worthy of our support and prayers and more important, your continuation! you have earned the right to succeed and I know you will, inspite of the trifling, unbearable pains that seem to come your way. I wilsh there was more we could do to assist. Keep going! We are with you!

By David Whiting on Wednesday, 21 April - 09:50 pm -0700


# HAng Tough....

What a great adventure you are on. Ten years from now it will feel as though it only lasted a moment in your life but you will always have that to relive and know that maybe only you could have succeeded at this ordeal.
We read your lines every day and the days you dont post a message we hold our breaths til the next post, praying for you.
Get some rest and hit it hard in the morning.!

By Fred Leisentritt on Wednesday, 21 April - 08:40 pm -0700


# STILL...

Call me crazy, but I STILL want to be in your boots rather than sitting at this monitor droning along. If you had tears of frustration, I would be bawling my head off! You've certainly experienced a rough day up there, Ben, no doubt and the Arctic IS boss. Remember that it is only one day among many other better days, so really, the odds are in your favor that you will have many more better days! :-) You sound frustrated at your progress today...10 hours and just about 5nm. I feel your frustration and I'm sorry you had to go thru all that today; think of it this way, it's still 5 more nms, it's probably the worst day you've had (perhaps the only one) and it's behind you. You made it, got it done. You've been thru equipment snafus and the worst ice ever and you still did it. I don't even know you and I'm so very proud of how you're executing your strategies. Unwavering determination. It's also about respecting that incredible environment you're dealing with and if you respect it, take things easy and as they come, I think you two will become great friends! Don't get me wrong, I empathize with you and probably would've spent half of those 10 hours freaking out, but you still achieved something awesome today. You are a strong person, Ben! Onward to the 87th! Warm hugs and a big "thumbs up" -- Nikki :-D p.s. If you keep smiling, the Arctic won't know what you're up too...keep it guessing.

By Nikki on Wednesday, 21 April - 08:18 pm -0700


# Things will only get better!

Since you said that today was the worst of the expedition then you must surely know that things will only get better! And if it is the worst of your life, then you have a spectacular life ahead! Keep your spirits up and your always try (yes, try) to always keep a positive attitude. You have so many people who would love to be there with you and help you across those huge leads, but, like me, are too scared (and not strong enough mentally or physically) to do so. You are an inspiration to everyone that reads your daily messages. Keep up the hard work and you will soon be able to reap the rewards of your actions! They will be the sweetest ever!

By Michelle on Wednesday, 21 April - 07:57 pm -0700


# Just when you think you have the worst beat. . .

Just when you think you have the worst beat, it gets worser! Just kidding with the "worser," but I am so sorry you are having this difficulty, Ben.

I thought strongly about you this morning (from our time zone) and felt a problem was mounting. Clear the mind and take a deep breath. Unfortunately, whatever soap-opera any of us are in at any one time is where we have chosen to be present. You can get through this, Ben!

Michelangelo said, "It is well with me only when I have a chisel in my hand." And what a difficult life he led!

You will be stronger, wiser and deeper as a human being, teacher and guide Ben. I am so very pround to have found your testing in this life and am giving you mental pictures every day for success. My angel, no matter how weird it may sound, is by your side. Many individuals are with you at every move of the adventure, unfortunately, it is only your feet, arms and thinking that will be doing the action.
We all send our best from Texas,
Cissy

By Cissy on Wednesday, 21 April - 07:13 pm -0700


# I can't think of a title

since today was so tough for you. My heart goes out to you. For you to write what you wrote, it must have been terrible. Thank you for posting, Ben, despite the awful day. We who watch from afar, and grow concerned if we don't see a post around the normal time, appreciate it.

Don't get discouraged. Better days are ahead, I'm sure of it. I'm just glad you made it through the day.

Stay safe, put today behind you, and press on tomorrow.

By Gwen on Wednesday, 21 April - 06:26 pm -0700


# Hallo from Manchester

Glad to hear you are still going strong!

Just got back fom my 150 mile run across the Sahara, and thought often about our wildly different environments!

Keep on plodding mate!

Simon

By simon howell on Wednesday, 21 April - 06:26 pm -0700


# Plod on my man!

Where ever the boys of 8 Platoon are, I bet they all wish they were where you are. I can only touch on what you are experiencing. Tough days for me are just a walk in the park dragging a tyre for you. To stand and look 360 degrees and see what you see is something I can only do through your eyes. I/we (the thousands who read this site daily) can but feel your frustration in awe at what you are doing. At the same time we send you strength and encouragement to help you through each day, each step of the way. As Churchill said, "K.B.O - Keep buggering on!"
If anyone can do it. You can.

By sharky on Wednesday, 21 April - 06:11 pm -0700

Dispatches Archive


The following dispatches are an archive spanning the 4-5 months that Ben spent prior to the expedition, the expedition itself, and the returning home period.


Fifty fifty

Fifty fifty - Monday, 19th April 2004

The ice conditions today were half great and half terrible. Polar opposites, you could say (groan). When the ice was good, it was the stuff of dreams - flat pans with crisp, icy snow on top. According to the GPS, I was scooting over these at 2.4 ...read more

Cracking up

Cracking up - Tuesday, 20th April 2004

It was a beautiful day again today, but I noticed something unusual as I set off this morning. I have a ribbon taped to a ski pole that shows the direction of the wind (useful for navigating if I can't see the sun). For weeks now, it's been ...read more

From bad to worse

From bad to worse - Wednesday, 21st April 2004

I think the Arctic wanted to show me who's really the boss today. It was certainly the worst day of the expedition and quite possibly the toughest of my entire life. The large lead I camped near last night hadn't frozen (a bad sign) and worse ...

The eye of the Tiger!

The eye of the Tiger! - Thursday, 22nd April 2004

I think it was the great Eddy Mercx (5 times Tour de France winner) that said if you kept hitting a stone with a hammer, you ended up with particles of metal in the stone and particles of stone in the hammer, and that the same happened with him and ...read more

Snowed in

Snowed in - Friday, 23rd April 2004

The weather is going beserk. I hardly slept last night as it was so windy and I woke up to find my tent and sledge half buried in drifting snow. It's still a complete whiteout, and when I staggered a few paces away to answer the call of nature this ...read more

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“I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.” - Robert Schuller